Why Blair Waldorf Wants to Pie
by dante de cervantes
Summary: [TV verse]WARNING: Femslash Every bite of that pie was just loaded with guilt and guilt and guilt. Not good enough for Nate, for Eleanor, for her dad to be there… for S.


Title: Why Blair Waldorf Wants To Pie  
Author: dante de cervantes  
Fandom: Gossip Girl  
Pairing: Blair/Serena  
Rating: T  
Summary[TV verse(WARNING: Femslash) Every bite of that pie was just loaded with guilt and guilt and guilt. Not good enough for Nate, for Eleanor, for her dad to be there… for S.

Author's Notes: First of all, this is a slash fic. So keep out if you're not open to this stuff. Okay, with that out of the way… I have to admit, the ninth episode got me a bit teary. It was so sad… and sweet at the same time (mostly because of Waldsen)… so all of that inspired this… So enjoy, fellow Waldsen fans! Or like… not, cuz it's Angst.. uh.. Hehe? Comments will help guys.. So, thanks! (,)

**WHY BLAIR WALDORF WANTS TO PIE**

**b****y dante de cervantes**

Every bite of that pie was just loaded with guilt and guilt and guilt.

Not good enough for Nate, for Eleanor, for her dad to be there… for S.

She throws the empty plate onto the empty tray in frustration, not surprised that she finished the whole thing, not caring if she broke a plate or two.

All she cares about is how everything else in her life is broken and far from repair.

She looks into the glass of the kitchen pantry.

Her distorted reflection is looking back at her in self-disgust.

And she lets the moment sink in, lets the pie sink in to the pit of her stomach.

It's disgusting, no matter how good the pie really was. She couldn't take the feeling.

That's how it always was... after the binges.

- - -

Knees on bathroom tile, she's bent over the toilet seat again.

She wipes her mouth clean with the back of her hand.

Blair hates it here, at square one, back to her old ways.

Her disorder makes her scared of herself and what she was capable of doing.

She regrets ever fighting with S.

Just when everything was perfect, running smoothly.

Her dad was going to be there.

The van der Woodsen's were going to be there.

_She_ was going to there, her sobriety tied up in a ponytail.

Perfect.

That was, until she asked about Nate… and brought up Chuck.

Which was another shot of regret in itself.

She knew she did it because she lost Nate to Serena.

She was also losing Serena to Humphrey.

_A Humphrey?_

Yes, a Humphrey. Who actually stood a chance, already sweeping Serena off of her feet with his little, domestic broom from Brooklyn.

Blair constantly fought subtle battles to win Serena's attention.

See, until Dan came into the picture, Blair was always victor.

Serena, having sex. With a Humphrey no less.

In those losses, Blair becomes numb.

So she needed to feel something. Chuck just so happened to be there.

And the last thing she wanted was for Serena to find out.

**- flashback - **

_"Are you jealous?"__ Blair seethed back._

_Hastily adding__, "—that you didn't get to sleep with him first?" not making any room for assumption._

**- end of flashback - **

She didn't mean to blow up like that. It was always wrong, pushing her away, especially hitting her below the belt, just because she couldn't keep it on.

And everything went spiraling out of control.

Blair was so sick of herself.

Another urge to purge that she couldn't stop.

- - -

She picks up her phone and her finger hovers over the key for a second before dialing Serena.

It rings twice then Serena picks up, and Blair hopes she doesn't throw up the pride that she just swallowed. At least she could make this one thing stay down.

"S?" she manages to croak, her throat so sore.

"Hey, we're in the middle of—"

"—S." Blair pleads.

Serena had no chance of finishing that sentence.

"I _need_ you."

"Yeah, of course, I'm on my way."

Blair is settled with Serena's lack of hesitance.

- - -

Blair brushes her teeth after making the call.

Foul and gross.

She lets the toothpaste wash it away. The taste of Nate, and Chuck, and Pie, they all swirl down the drain, counter-clockwise.

And just like that, she's clean again, prim and proper like she should be.

So she reaches for the door, but finds that she can't quite turn the knob. Her knees go weak and she leans her back against the wall for support.

She slides to the floor, like the tears sliding down her cheeks.

- - -

Serena arrives at the Brownstone and quickly scans the dining area. She sees Eleanor, busy chatting up with her Creative Director. There are a number of prominent names in the New York fashion industry merrily biting into turkey, pouring their gravy and being polite.

The blonde notes that Harold Waldorf isn't there.

Neither was Blair.

S tries the kitchen. It's empty save for a couple of dirty dishes.

She circles the island of the kitchen and she finds an empty plate that had bits of pie crust and filling on it. The uneasy feeling in her gut grows as she moves closer to examine the remains.

A careful look at the fork confirms her suspicions.

Red lipstick.

_Blair relapsed._

Her memory takes her back to when they were fifteen. When she found Blair slumped unconscious over a toilet seat.

**-**** flashback - **

"_I thought you died." Serena said, trying to hold back her tears, trying to sound strong._

"_I'm sorry. I'll never do it again."_

_Blair couldn't even look Serena in the eye._

_S refuses to allow B feel any regret for what happened._

"_Hey." Serena called softly, tipping Blair's chin up with her fingers so brown could meet blue._

"_Don't apologize." She __told the smaller girl, her lips spreading into a reassuring curve, which made Blair break into a little grin._

_She never noticed that Blair's smile fell when she let her hand fall from the brunette's face._

**- end of flashback - **

That autumn afternoon terrified her. She thought she lost her best friend.

And at the moment, all she wants is for Blair to not be scared anymore. So she rushes upstairs and hopes that the door to the bathroom isn't locked.

- - -

Serena knocks twice. Dadddy knocks once, maids knock thrice and Eleanor never bothers to knock at all.

But Serena always knocks twice.

"Hey, it's me."

The door opens and she sees Serena's reflection in the mirror while she looks back at Blair's

She comes back. She _always_ comes back.

She was such a good friend.

Blair knows that Serena thinks that that's all she is to Blair.

_A good friend._

So Blair lets Serena have the detriment of the doubt.

And B herself gets the benefit when S kisses her on the forehead.

S always knew what to do. What to say, how to touch, where to touch.

Sometimes, B wishes that s would kiss her where she knew she shouldn't.

Not just on the forehead.

But it does for now.

It always has.

She's with Serena again, and she doesn't care if they were heading straight to Dan's (Serena chooses to ignore Blair's forced smile) for lunch.

In the back of the cab, S has her arm wrapped protectively around B, holding her close. Blair's head is resting on Serena's shoulder and Serena's head is resting on Blair's, nose nuzzled in those brown, Blair-scented locks.

Serena shifts and the momentary loss of contact bothers Blair.

That's when she feels Serena's soft lips against her temple.

After the quick peck, S's lips graze against B's ear.

"We'll be okay."

The hairs on the back of Blair's neck stand as Serena's warm breath tickles her in all those sensitive, innocent places.

And she's right, it doesn't matter anymore.

Because Blair believes her, she always has.

And that's enough for her to say, "Happy Thanksgiving." at the end of the day.

– **FIN –**

So, how did you guys find it? Comments, feel free to wipe your shoes on my welcome mat. Thanks for reading! (,)


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